I’ve been around the block, well, not a lot, but enough times that it’s rare I now find a drink that takes me completely by surprise. I’m seasoned enough now that, for most the most part, I can eyeball the ingredients and get a general feel for what the outcome will be. “Oh, that’s a twist-up on the Monkey Gland, I get it.” Or, “I believe the Sleeping Giant was quite a bit like that, hmmmmm, I’ll check it out.” Now, maybe it’s my increasingly apparent lack of interest or lack of desire to deeply explore tiki drinks (I leave that to better folks than I) but the 2070 Swizzle, which Paul Clarke featured in the Sept/Oct issue of Imbibe,¹ caught me completely off-guard. To the point where, sitting on the couch after mixing my first, I took a sip and Joana, watching my expression, said, “You just fell in love a little bit, didn’t you?” Yes, Martin Cate, I want to have your babies² .
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1. god bless you, Paul [↩]
2. Martin, I only got to meet you briefly on the Saturday night of Tales gallivanting about with Jeff Berry, but you were a fine, and tired, gentleman [↩]

I started out this project with watermelon in mind¹ . See, watermelon is Oklahoma’s state vegetable² and grows exceptionally well in our long growing season. The thing is, I hate watermelon. The texture, mealy; the flavor, insipid; and the messiness, a problem, it’s never been among my top five favorite forms of torture. But, try to use it as a cocktail ingredient, I did, and came up short. Rather than muddling it as at least one TotC tasting room did, with somewhat not unpleasant results, I created “watermelon water” by dicing half a watermelon and letting gravity strain it through cheesecloth. The result has a beautiful color without much else to recommend it. Try to make a watermelon-based cousin to the margarita and you get a fairly good use of tequila in a non-offensive way, but nothing that features watermelon as a flavor or makes one take notice. Try using it with citrus vodka instead and you get a watered-down effect that makes one neither fond of watermelon, or vodka³ . So, screw it, I’m moving on to peaches and raspberries, dammit. Watermelons, and the state legislature, can go to hell.
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1. part of the reason for this post’s delay [↩]
2. these are the sorts of things that get us International attention, folks [↩]
3. more on this soon [↩]

10:34 – the room is alive, with the sound of cocktailians and the panel is finally getting settled in (Blair, Craig, and Rick are assisting with bartending, he looks ready and on high-alert

Jeff blows the conch shell, and it’s all eyes up-front

10:40- Jeff asks for his “laser pointer” to point to his presentation, turns out it’s a harpoon. Good quick overview of where tiki cocktails were made and migrated through the “New Riviera” to Hawaii in the 60’s.

10:41 – Punch and Pirates

Meeting House Punch

• 75 oz Cruzan Estate Light Rum
• 112 1/2 oz Rhum Clement VSOP
• 400 oz Red Stripe beer
• 25 oz Fresh lemon juice
• 25 oz Muscovado Syrup

Mix in a large punch bowl fill with ice and lemon wedges

Beer really comes through in this, but it is refreshing in its citrusy and bright character.

10:45 – Jeff relates the story of ‘Sucking the Monkey’, don’t ask…¹

10:48 – Prohibition drove everyone to Cuba and Tiki drink culture thrived…and to drove them to drink at Sloppy Joe’s bar-then immediately fly back to the States. See the movie Our Man in Havana for shots from the original Havana bar-amazing stuff.

10:53 – But don’t drink in Sloppy Joe’s in Key West. But do have:

La Florida Cocktail

• 1 oz Rhum Clement VSOP
• 1/8 oz Rhum Clemente Creole Shrubb
• 1/2 oz Martini & Rossi Rosso Vermouth
• 1/4 oz BOLS White Creme de Cacao
• 1/8 oz grenadine
• 1 oz Fresh lime juice

Shake with ice, strain and drop in orange peel.

Very tart, the volume lime juice really push this high on the tartness scale² .

10:58 – History of the expansion of tiki drinks in the US when Conrad Hilton retooled many of the Hilton bars to serve tropical drinks in Hilton bars.

11:02 – Two prizes given out, and a Big Lebowski reference…nice.

11:05 – Wayne Curtis talks about the mob (Bugsy Siegel and Meyer Lansky (sp?)) and how it influenced the design of tiki bars, shows the Havana Hilton’s Trader Vic’s interior-very ornate, dense, and looks like a good time. Until Castro came in and used it as his headquarters for the Revolution. Bad investment for Conrad Hilton…

11:08 – LEGO version of Fidel Castro on the slide, they left out the falling off stages and dying parts in the LEGO recreation. Wayne ordered a Mai Tai in the current bar there, and was served a neon-red cheap punch-looking thing³ and said, “…this is not a good argument for Socialism.” Too true.

11:11 – Rum Pot (adapted) is served and Jeff Berry walks through the original Rum Pot and the taste differences

Rum Pot (adapted)

• 1 1/2 oz El Dorado 12-year Demarara Rum
• 1/4 oz French Vanilla Syrup (Fee Brothers)
• 1/2 oz passion fruit puree
• 3/4 oz orange juice
• 3/4 oz fresh lemon juice

Shake well with ice and pour unstrained into glass.

This is really interesting, the vanilla and passion fruit work together really well without creating too heavy a body.

11:17 – Martin Cate takes over and discusses how the modifiers available in the Caribbean influenced Don the Beachcomber’s approach and recipes. Soil and moisture in the West Indes creates a high amount of oil, and thus intensity, in the native spices. neat!

11:18 – A “hardwood” tree in Grenada helps men with impotency…Martin manages to shame a couple of men in the audience by offering them several pieces of bark…then we all get a sample a bit⁴ -it tastes like, ummmmmm, wood.

11:22 – Jasper’s Jamaican Cocktail is handed out, and get to see fresh pimento berries…negates the effect of the bark..

Jasper’s Jamaican Cocktail

• 1 1/4 oz Cruzan Estate Dark Rum
• 1/2 oz St. Elizabeth allspice dram⁵
• 1/2 oz fresh lime juice
• 1/2 teaspoon rock candy syrup⁶

Shake well with ice and strain. Dust with nutmeg

loody hell, this is good-like a falernumy/pimento syrup mixed with rum, just delicious with a great balance of spiciness and sweet. And, the Dark Rum works very well, I wouldn’t replace it with gold per the original recipe.

11:23 – best set of slides thus far in any presentation I’ve seen, Martin does an extremely funny take on the preparation a pimento cocktail that’s buried for 6-8 weeks…really good stuff.

11:27 – Stephen Remsberg walks through Jasper’s Jamaican mix and is very charming in talking through the effects of rum on the cocktails such as the overproof Jamaican rum against many of the regular-proofed and lighter rums served to the tourists.⁷

11:33 – Stephen’s final thought- “Pay attention to the rum, and take note of what difference they make in your drinks.”

11:35 – Jeff Berry walks through several caribbean bars and then has a very funny take, since there are no damned tiki bars in New Orleans, on having a wonderful Daiquiri at one of the slushy stands here⁸ .

Q/A: Berry’s “favorite” rum is Cruzan Estates for mixing and Demrara as a style and sipping rum.

(Will add photos later-cheers!)

1. but if you must, they stored monkeys they’d shot in alcohol for the trip back and, well, being sailors, got thirsty and would eventually be driven to tap the cask storing the dead monkey…told you not to ask [↩]
2. this sentence edited from the original for stupidity and ignorance… [↩]
3. much like the Pat O’Brien Hurricane [↩]
4. lady handing them out did a double-take and gave me 12 pieces-dammit [↩]
5. or any pimento liqueur [↩]
6. a heavy simple syrup [↩]
7. it’s also endearing that the mic keeps wondering from his mouth and Berry has to remind him [↩]
8. there’s literally a ‘Daiquiri Dogs’ stand on the way to the hotel [↩]

It goes like this; first, Simple Syrup…easy, and quick, and tasty. And then, trying something a little more challenging and varied, you make grenadine…still easy, and tastier, and superior. Great! Then you decide to get all esoteric and historic and brave. A few skinned knuckles and ruined cheese cloths later you have Falernum (this despite the fact it’s not often used outside tiki drinks, but the Corn and Oil is a MIGHTY nice parting gift)…a little more difficult and cumbersome, but unique and rewarding and a great way to dazzle friends. Then, you go mildly insane, much like our mariner friend here…

I made my first batch of Pimento Dram (Allspice Liqueur) last Fall and, given that it takes a month-and-a-half to make it properly, set it on the shelf, tried the occasional tiki drink that called for it, added it to a batch of Egg Nog or two (delicious), but otherwise found it a fantastic ingredient for which I had yet to find a natural, recurring, and fitting home for. Until, that is, I came upon the Ancient Mariner in Jeff Berry’s Grog Log. This is the rare life-changing drink. My secret shame is that it’s taken me this long to write about it and Pimento Dram¹ . Let’s look at the secret weapon of the drink, the Pimento Dram, first. Read More »

1. It’s featured by Ted Haigh in the March/April ’08 issue of Imbibe, excellent taste, that man [↩]