First, a confession…I have no idea if that’s the actual Singapore Sling they served during the Juniperlooza session at Tales of the Cocktail, but I’ll be damned if I care because:

1. I remember it being tasty and have notes to that effect…
2. While not the absolute hands-down best drink I had at TotC or during my time in New Orleans, that is the most awesome piece of ice I’ve seen in a a while. It’s like ice porn.¹

Read More »

1. Dr. Bamboo, sitting next to me, took note and said, “Dude, you gotta get a picture of that…” [↩]

NEW ORLEANS — Dekuyper Sour Apple Pucker “Martini”, died July 19, 2008, after much mocking and disgrace.¹

Born in 1997 at a lab in Deerfield, IL it spent most of its life trying to gain respect in the cocktail community and impressing sorority girls with its promise of, “you won’t taste the alcohol!” In 1999, Sour Apple Pucker and the Appletini, achieved their greatest success when the DeKuyper Pucker line of products led the U.S. cordials market with a market share of 36%. Fortune Brands Chairman Norm Wesley proclaimed, “Blockbuster successes like DeKuyper Sour Apple Pucker are a result of our relentless commitment to innovation, creative marketing and our unparalleled feel for the consumer.” Shortly afterwards, the consumer, writ large, filed an injunction against Fortune Brands to prevent any further “feeling” of them.

Later in its life, the Appletini continued to strive for respectability by supplanting its Sour Apple Pucker base with Calvados, Apfelkorn, and other various ingredients drawing less scorn from people with even slightly discerning taste. These efforts proved unfruitful when everyone collectively realized there were innumerable better drinks to try and that putting it on the menu merely attracted the sort of people you’d really rather stayed in the sorts of places where a Jaegermeister shot dispenser was a desired, and well used, fixture.

Surviving the Appletini are its brothers, Mangotini, Nectarini, Flirtini, Crantini and countless cousins ascribing to themselves [color]tini monikers. Fortune Brands is on record as stating that since the death of the twice-named “Hot Brand of the Year” it will now seek to inject Wild Island Blue Pucker in its seat of popularity. This is generally derided and scorned.

The memorial services were held at 12:00 am, Sunday, July 20th with a funeral procession from 100 Canal Street to the front of Cafe Giovanni at 117 Rue Decatur in New Orleans. There was brilliant and uplifting music played in a classic jazz funeral style and a well-attended processional of the casket with Robert Hess in the vanguard. The event was sponsored by Plymouth Gin, Contemporary Cocktails, and Tales of the Cocktail. After the processional attendees were invited to enjoy drinks and scantily clad ladies in Cafe Giovanni where a “Bartender’s Breakfast” was held. Unfortunately, the talented ladies likely couldn’t be seen due to the number of celebrants trying to get a real, true, non-floor polish-infused, drink from the veteran and highly regarded bartenders. There was also dancing in the street; it was very Martha and the Vandellas.

Memorials may be made by going to your local liquor or package store and buying something without ‘Pucker’ listed on the label and without any Red No. 5, Yellow No. 7, or Blue No. 2 added and mixing yourself a fine drink.

You can also read more about this event at Off the Presses.

1. this is a repost of a post at talesblog.com, show your support and visit over there if you haven’t already [↩]

Besides all the awesome schwag at TotC¹ I also managed to score some impossible-to-get spirits and liqueurs from Jay, Vieux Carre Wine & Spirits on Chartres St., and Dorignac’s in Metarie, LA² on the way out of New Orleans. I’ll catalog them here and add them to my ‘In My Bar’ page to keep it accurate.

Courtesy of Jay:

• Hayman’s Old Tom Gin (thanks!)
• St. Elizabeth Allspice Dram³

Vieux Carre’ Wine and Spirits :

• Herbsaint
• Sazerac Rye Whiskey
• Buffalo Trace Bourbon
• Carpano Punt e Mes
• Old New Orleans Dark Rum
• Ron Zacapa 15-year Rum⁴
• Cock ‘n Bull Ginger Beer

Dorignac’s in Metarie, LA:

• El Dorado 5-year Demarara Rum
• Boomsma Jonge Genever
• Clement VSOP Rhum
• Clement Creole Shrubb
• Cachaca 61
• Regan’s Orange Bitters No. 6

But still no Vya Vermouth. I would have gotten much much more but there’s only so much the pocketbook, and Prius, can take⁵ . However, after the “Potions of the Caribbean” session I also sought out Zaya Gran Reserva and found several bottles available in Tulsa. If anyone is having trouble getting it or would like to try it and it’s unavailable, let me know and we’ll work out an exchange.

Now to look for Both’s Old Tom and the Xoriguer Gin from the Juniperlooza session.

1. AmEx clipboard and 18 fucking mini-shakers excluded [↩]
2. thanks go out to Morgan with Drink Dogma for the tip to stop there [↩]
3. I have some things to say about this product…hmmmmmm [↩]
4. this after finding out in the “Potions of the Caribbean” session that Zaya and Zacapa were bought and are being retooled [↩]
5. besides, I scived a ton of Domaine de Canton, G’Vine Gin, St. Germain, and Death’s Door Gin from the tasting rooms [↩]

10:34 – the room is alive, with the sound of cocktailians and the panel is finally getting settled in (Blair, Craig, and Rick are assisting with bartending, he looks ready and on high-alert

Jeff blows the conch shell, and it’s all eyes up-front

10:40- Jeff asks for his “laser pointer” to point to his presentation, turns out it’s a harpoon. Good quick overview of where tiki cocktails were made and migrated through the “New Riviera” to Hawaii in the 60’s.

10:41 – Punch and Pirates

Meeting House Punch

• 75 oz Cruzan Estate Light Rum
• 112 1/2 oz Rhum Clement VSOP
• 400 oz Red Stripe beer
• 25 oz Fresh lemon juice
• 25 oz Muscovado Syrup

Mix in a large punch bowl fill with ice and lemon wedges

Beer really comes through in this, but it is refreshing in its citrusy and bright character.

10:45 – Jeff relates the story of ‘Sucking the Monkey’, don’t ask…¹

10:48 – Prohibition drove everyone to Cuba and Tiki drink culture thrived…and to drove them to drink at Sloppy Joe’s bar-then immediately fly back to the States. See the movie Our Man in Havana for shots from the original Havana bar-amazing stuff.

10:53 – But don’t drink in Sloppy Joe’s in Key West. But do have:

La Florida Cocktail

• 1 oz Rhum Clement VSOP
• 1/8 oz Rhum Clemente Creole Shrubb
• 1/2 oz Martini & Rossi Rosso Vermouth
• 1/4 oz BOLS White Creme de Cacao
• 1/8 oz grenadine
• 1 oz Fresh lime juice

Shake with ice, strain and drop in orange peel.

Very tart, the volume lime juice really push this high on the tartness scale² .

10:58 – History of the expansion of tiki drinks in the US when Conrad Hilton retooled many of the Hilton bars to serve tropical drinks in Hilton bars.

11:02 – Two prizes given out, and a Big Lebowski reference…nice.

11:05 – Wayne Curtis talks about the mob (Bugsy Siegel and Meyer Lansky (sp?)) and how it influenced the design of tiki bars, shows the Havana Hilton’s Trader Vic’s interior-very ornate, dense, and looks like a good time. Until Castro came in and used it as his headquarters for the Revolution. Bad investment for Conrad Hilton…

11:08 – LEGO version of Fidel Castro on the slide, they left out the falling off stages and dying parts in the LEGO recreation. Wayne ordered a Mai Tai in the current bar there, and was served a neon-red cheap punch-looking thing³ and said, “…this is not a good argument for Socialism.” Too true.

11:11 – Rum Pot (adapted) is served and Jeff Berry walks through the original Rum Pot and the taste differences

Rum Pot (adapted)

• 1 1/2 oz El Dorado 12-year Demarara Rum
• 1/4 oz French Vanilla Syrup (Fee Brothers)
• 1/2 oz passion fruit puree
• 3/4 oz orange juice
• 3/4 oz fresh lemon juice

Shake well with ice and pour unstrained into glass.

This is really interesting, the vanilla and passion fruit work together really well without creating too heavy a body.

11:17 – Martin Cate takes over and discusses how the modifiers available in the Caribbean influenced Don the Beachcomber’s approach and recipes. Soil and moisture in the West Indes creates a high amount of oil, and thus intensity, in the native spices. neat!

11:18 – A “hardwood” tree in Grenada helps men with impotency…Martin manages to shame a couple of men in the audience by offering them several pieces of bark…then we all get a sample a bit⁴ -it tastes like, ummmmmm, wood.

11:22 – Jasper’s Jamaican Cocktail is handed out, and get to see fresh pimento berries…negates the effect of the bark..

Jasper’s Jamaican Cocktail

• 1 1/4 oz Cruzan Estate Dark Rum
• 1/2 oz St. Elizabeth allspice dram⁵
• 1/2 oz fresh lime juice
• 1/2 teaspoon rock candy syrup⁶

Shake well with ice and strain. Dust with nutmeg

loody hell, this is good-like a falernumy/pimento syrup mixed with rum, just delicious with a great balance of spiciness and sweet. And, the Dark Rum works very well, I wouldn’t replace it with gold per the original recipe.

11:23 – best set of slides thus far in any presentation I’ve seen, Martin does an extremely funny take on the preparation a pimento cocktail that’s buried for 6-8 weeks…really good stuff.

11:27 – Stephen Remsberg walks through Jasper’s Jamaican mix and is very charming in talking through the effects of rum on the cocktails such as the overproof Jamaican rum against many of the regular-proofed and lighter rums served to the tourists.⁷

11:33 – Stephen’s final thought- “Pay attention to the rum, and take note of what difference they make in your drinks.”

11:35 – Jeff Berry walks through several caribbean bars and then has a very funny take, since there are no damned tiki bars in New Orleans, on having a wonderful Daiquiri at one of the slushy stands here⁸ .

Q/A: Berry’s “favorite” rum is Cruzan Estates for mixing and Demrara as a style and sipping rum.

(Will add photos later-cheers!)

1. but if you must, they stored monkeys they’d shot in alcohol for the trip back and, well, being sailors, got thirsty and would eventually be driven to tap the cask storing the dead monkey…told you not to ask [↩]
2. this sentence edited from the original for stupidity and ignorance… [↩]
3. much like the Pat O’Brien Hurricane [↩]
4. lady handing them out did a double-take and gave me 12 pieces-dammit [↩]
5. or any pimento liqueur [↩]
6. a heavy simple syrup [↩]
7. it’s also endearing that the mic keeps wondering from his mouth and Berry has to remind him [↩]
8. there’s literally a ‘Daiquiri Dogs’ stand on the way to the hotel [↩]

I met many fine people last night in our informal cocktail bloggers meet-up. It was like a flash-mob of well-spoken storytelling awesomeness that descended upon the Carousel bar and then Arnaud’s. That is, until Arnaud’s became rife with pretension and the sorts of people that actually care to be seen and wear those damned fitted t-shirts with tailored flat-fronted pants¹ . At the Carousel I had Negroni which was more than passable and Joana has a dry martini which was not² . We then asked an employee of Hotel Monteleone for recommendations on oysters and the less said about that, the better³ . While there, though, we did mix up some sparkling wine with Pernod and some of Blair’s (TraderTiki) Falernum Bitters to good effect, so all was not lost. Then, fed up with oysters and lobster, then night got started truly. Read More »

1. don’t they know pleats are IN, baby?!? [↩]
2. let sit in the ice too long before shaking. Note: there was only one bartender who was run ragged–seriously, you don’t staff up when TotC folks are checking in that very damned day? What, you think we AREN’T going to hit the bar? [↩]
3. There was a warning sign re: drinking and pregnancy in the MEN’s restroom; it was that sort of place I guess [↩]

So yeah, I’ve decided to place mini-updates to the blog via Twitter1 as you can see there on the left. Since posting may be nigh on impossible² for long stretches I’ll be using my smartphone to provide updates on the travel, sights, and sounds of New Orleans. Based on the itinerary I’ve built, I believe the Prius will remain firmly parked, but we plan on getting out and about. Click the ‘…follow’ link in the twitter updates to track our progress. Good luck and godspeed to all of you as well.

At this moment, as I’m auditing my kids’ luggage for their stay at their grandparents, I’m trying to put myself in the mental place and age where packing: 0 underwear, 12 pajama bottoms, half a suitcase of stuffed animals, and vanilla wafers seems like the perfect plan. Maybe I’m missing something in my own luggage…hmmmmmmmm.

1. for the record I’ve always been ambivalent about Twitter but this seems a pretty damned fine use for it [↩]
2. or even dangerous to my writing career [↩]

Oftentimes, when one has started a cocktail blog, it starts with a fascination around a particular cocktail or, in the case of a few blogging bartenders, a deep association with a specific drink, usually of their own creation. Leading up to the Tales of the Cocktail 2008 next week I decided I wanted to appreciate my fellow bloggers and, more specifically, the drinks that inspired them or, as fate may turn, inspire us.

My first in this series will be directed at at blogger near and dear to my heart, Jay Hepburn, whose blog Oh Gosh! nearly shares a birthday with mine and is actually named after a cocktail. If that doesn’t count as inspired fascination, I’m not sure what does. Read More »

So, it’s settled. My lady-friend Joana and I will be hitting The Big Easy on Tuesday, July 15 and not letting up until Sunday afternoon. It’s a 10-hour drive so here’s to hoping her iPod holds up and I don’t get too awful tired of hearing 80’s hair bands. Luckily, we’ll be taking the Prius-it leaves more cash for booze. Here’s my agenda for Tales of the Cocktail 2008¹ :

Tuesday, July 15:
7pm – arrive, eat, sleep

Wednesday, July 16:
9am-1:30p – breakfast, visit famous cemeteries, eat sushi
2:30-4:00p – ‘How to Create the Right Cocktail Menu‘
4:30-6:00p – Blogger’s Reception²
6:00-?? – What Drinks May Come³

Thursday, July 17:
10:30-12:00p – ‘Great Bars of the World‘
12:30-2:00p – ‘Juniperlooza‘
4:30-6:00p – ‘Hausgemacht‘
5:30-?? – Cocktail Hour and Spirited Dinner @ Restaurant August

Friday, July 18:
10:30-12:00p – ‘Jerry’s Kids‘
4:30-6:00p – ‘Cocktails of Old Raj‘⁴

Saturday, July 19:
10:30-12:00p – ‘Potions of the Caribbean‘⁵
4:30-6:00p – ‘Making Your Own Ingredients‘
6:00p-?? – Tiki Block Party and What Drinks May Come

Sunday, July 20:
11:00-12:30 – ‘Bartending Techniques 101‘⁶
1:00p-?? – Drive home and happily recover

---

See anything I missed? Care to petition for your first love? Please do so, I’m easily persuaded. Plus, there are many sessions I’m unable to make but would love to attend such as Sensory Perception, Artisan Still Design, Amore Amari, and many more.

Plus, I already have a couple of rare or hard-to-get ingredient exchanges with fellow bloggers and enthusiasts set up and if you’re interested in comparing notes on what I can bring and exchange with you for thing unavailable in this state with its bullshit laws Oklahoma, I’ll be happy to set something up. Or, if you know of great dining opportunities⁷ or simply-can’t-be-missed locales for drinking⁸ or simply would like to get together at some point just contact me through my ‘Contact’ page. Cheers, and I hope to see you there.

1. or at least what’s the best laid plan of mice and lesser men [↩]
2. Joana will be attending the ‘How to Build Smarter Bars’ session in my stead [↩]
3. expect photos, and hopefully resulting posts at talesblog.com [↩]
4. Joana will also be attending the ‘Pantry Raid’ and ‘Cocktails with a Kick’ sessions [↩]
5. I bet this one is standing-room-only [↩]
6. Joana will be sleeping it off I imagine [↩]
7. looking at Peristyle right now [↩]
8. Old Absinthe House and Napoleon House are currently on the list [↩]

I won’t miss it this year, not on your life. My blog was only two months old last year when TotC: 2007 went down and it was a downright tortuous (and mildly OCD)¹ experience whereby I found myself checking my RSS feed far too frequently, watching my billable hours drop like a rock on behalf of seeing Paul’s, Rick’s, Darcy’s, and many notable others’ sites updated with pictures of swag, events, and general awesomeness of which I couldn’t take part. So, instead I grimly posted my heart out about glassware and vodka. Yes, folks, it was that bad…

But not this year, the hotel reservations are made² , the Prius is gassed up (or as gassed up as it’s going to get) and the wife and I are preparing our wardrobes for a long hot time in New Orleans, a city I’ve not yet been to but am anxiously looking forward to experiencing.

And, as part of this journey, Paul Clarke has been foolish kind enough to ask my involvement on the first TotC shared blog experiment. This is what Paul has to say about the entity he’s wrought:

In the months to come, these bloggers will use this site to preview some of the many sessions and events that will take place in New Orleans this summer. In addition, guest bloggers will use this space to give a glimpse of the sessions, dinners and parties they have planned. In July, these bloggers will convene in New Orleans to enjoy all that Tales of the Cocktail has to offer. In between Sazeracs, they’ll document many of their experiences on this site for the enjoyment of everyone who likes a good drink. And this site isn’t just for regular bloggers: Tales veterans and participants are invited to share their own thoughts and experiences related to this remarkable event.

I am among great and humbling company and am terribly excited about taking this on, though I have a feeling my asking quasi-professional questions about editorial standards and style guides may earn me a quiet, and hopefully gentle, mocking should I persist. Please keep an eye on talesblog.com and keep informed via the previews for the TotC: 2008 events and experience all of the drunken kindly smiles as I get to meet these wonderful people and share a fantastic time. I may be starstruck for the first time in my life.

Cheers, y’all.

1. please don’t write me on how OCD is a crippling and debilitating disease and I really shouldn’t poke any sort of fun at anything ever and how I’m a soulless cynical bastard-it’s a fucking cocktail website people [↩]
2. shout out to Steve “Show me how you make a Richmond Gimlet again…” Rh**** for that one, my eternal thanks buddy, half the swag is yours, I promise [↩]